I don’t know that I'm the right person to write about this. We’ve all had our share of difficult times, but sometimes compared to others, I feel like I have endured nothing at all.
Our problems are all different and they all affect us differently as well. Sometimes, as they add up and come on stronger and stronger, it feels impossible to breathe, to face another day, maybe even face another second. Sometimes it feels like real tangible pressure, like being at the bottom of a box with sandbags being laid on you one by one, making it harder to move, to even breathe.
If you’re here, I’m sorry. If you know the feeling I’m talking about, you should know that you are not alone.
The most important thing is to deal with whatever pain you’re going through. Do not… DO NOT ignore it. Feel it. Be brave enough to deal with these emotions in a healthy way. It sucks and all humans deal with this pain, with this volcano of emotions differently. This can look so different for everyone, and this is where mindfulness and understanding of self come into play. Only you can really know how you need to help you. I can only offer suggestions and my personal tactics and hope they can help.
My favorite thing to do is to cry, and cry and scream and then write. I think sometimes we get SO trapped in our heads and this makes things exponentially worse, and definitely makes them harder to deal with. Once I cry and scream and lay on the floor and cry more, once all of the bare and raw emotion is out, then I write. I don’t put a filter or a limit but I grab a pen and whatever comes into my brain, I write on the paper. Sometimes it is not even words, sometimes its angry scribbles that rip the paper, sometimes its poetry. Meet yourself where you’re at but get it all out.
Some people run, some meditate, some people eat, some go to the gym and punch things. I can’t tell you what you need to do to work through whatever emotions you have, but I can assure you that the more you deal with and face them, the better off you’ll be.
The other thing to know is that when everything feels impossible when it feels like you can’t go on, the important thing to know and truly believe and understand is that life goes on. Each time you feel like a problem is insurmountable like there is no good way out, know that the earth keeps spinning.
This might seem like a silly thing for me to say, especially considering the things you might be facing, but hear me out. The world has an interesting way, with the billions of lives and paths and thoughts constantly moving and interacting and touching, of working things out on its own.
The universe, so long as you believe it’s true and continue to think in a way that is bigger than the suffering you are experiencing, works things out. Know that things will change, they always do. As long as the earth keeps spinning, so will new opportunities keep happening and everything in your life has the chance to change with each second that passes. This is what I call hope, the opportunity for everything in your life to change in a matter of seconds. These chances are what I call miracles, and they do happen.
Also, when I say “think positive” I don’t mean think about happy rainbows or about how good life once was. When I say think positive, I mean that no matter what kind of bullshit you’re in the middle of, you can’t let it define who you are today, and especially who you will be tomorrow, or where you want to go. You can’t let it bring down your thoughts about how good your future could be.
Although it might feel unrealistic to imagine something else for yourself based on where you are, you should know anything is possible and the world loves surprising us with miracles.
So what I mean is instead of thinking positive and staying motivated, imagine exactly where you want to be, imagine yourself completely out of whatever pain and suffering you’re in the middle of and know that it is completely possible for you to get there. This is the tricky part, when we are in a negative environment or situation, it can be really hard to think this could change. It could be really inconsiderate of me to be so naive and just say that you should think that it will change, and it will, but I'm telling you that your thoughts control your destiny.
A lot of our own realities are shaped by our own thoughts, you are powerful, and yes you are delicate, but you are also capable of getting past this. Breathe.
Breathe in, breathe out and know that tomorrow is a new day. Keep your chin up, let time heal you and know that you will never be handed something you can’t face. Ask for help, talk to people, share your burdens, learn. Give yourself the space you need, be patient with yourself, be gentle and breathe. The world won’t stop spinning, each second can bring something new, something better.
PS all of the *best* humans I know, the ones I get along with best, the ones who are deep and intelligent and understand life the best are the ones who have suffered in life. Suffering builds character, it prepares us, it grows us. Suffering helps us understand our human experience in new ways, it truly is the best teacher.
If you can, try and think about what these trials are teaching you, or what you could learn from them. You’re being chosen to be made wiser, think about it that way ;)