I’m at my gate, WAY too early right now, feeling all sorts of anxious. I always try to calculate my time very well so i don’t spend so long at the gate but today i was just extra excited and got here 2 hours before my flight leaves, alas, it gives me some time to write and process through these feelings!
Everyone has been so kind in telling me I’m “brave” and this is the “perfect time” to do something like this, which maybe they have points, but it just felt like the perfect string of events. I have a philosophy in life, maybe it’s not a philosophy but I try and not fight opportunities or paths that life takes me on. If it works out, then it was meant to be. This doesn't mean that I wouldnt work for something if i really wanted it, but sometimes all of life's puzzle pieces just fall together when you pour them out of the box, isn’t that the best when it happens? Who in their right mind would take already built pieces of puzzle apart? Anyways, this trip feels like that for me, it feels right, it feels like destiny? (That’s probably the cheesiest sentence I’ve ever written.)
Im less so anxious about the small travel details and moreso about the personal growth and development, about the changes I forsee. The “Twenties” period of any life is developmental and transient. Its bumpy and filled with emotions, at least for me and im also 22, which means I have a ways to go. I feel like I’ve already done so much “growing” but I guess the world has to offer me more, and realistically, I suppose it never really stops, life's journey is all about learning, growing and changing.
I’m not as anxious about living in Italy, or even really going to Thailand anymore, I think that will all be just fine, I’m excited to meet people and carry everything i own on my back. I’m excited to see how strong and courageous I can be, even though usually I feel like the opposite. Sometimes I think I maybe am more of a homebody but realistically I’m not, i only get to feeling that way when I start feeling nostalgic or scared about leaving. I think about the fact that I wont drive on I-70 for awhile, but I’ll be on so many other new roads, I wont see my friends and family for a while, but ill make so many more connections. I think about how short a year actually is in the grand scheme and then everything becomes way less intimidating. I’ve been talking to Manu (my host mom) a lot on WhatsApp, she’s gone over my schedule with me for taking care of the girls, and she’s asked me what I like to make for breakfasts! She is so adorable and I can’t wait to get to know her and the family more!
Reflecting back on this year, I’m at such a different place. Last year I don’t think I could have imagined myself traveling, I had a whole plan for 5 years, and so suddenly that whole plan changed. I was in the mindset of getting to do life with another human, of not having to figure out stuff by myself all the time. I am glad I took this leap, it still doesn’t feel real at all. I doubt it will for a few weeks, but this is my life now.
I need to consistently remind myself that I’m never STUCK, I can always move or get somewhere else. Remind yourself of that as well, if you’re at a place where you dont like what it looks like, MOVE, write your life how you want it to be, make new friends, get out of that relationship. You’re not ever stuck. Cheers Y’all, Rach