A month from a few days ago I’ll be leaving for my “life abroad”, I will be doing an au pair job for 3 months, traveling for 3 months, au pairing again, traveling some more and hopefully never coming home. I don’t have a set plan, but i do have a world full of options and opportunities, I’m not really sure what this will look like yet but I’m excited for the change of pace and scenery. I’m not a writer, or maybe I am because I’m writing this, what actually qualifies anyone as a writer? Just writing right? Okay that was complicated. Anyways I’m just saying I’ll try my best.
Life gets so monotonous for me so quickly and so I’m hoping this will solve it for me. I’m scared though, or maybe scared isn’t the right word, I’m anxious? I’m upset to have to go alone and maybe that’s where the anxiety comes from. I’m not so stoked about the fact that I will have to be strong for myself again, like always instead of being able to rely, at least a little on someone else. I miss having that. Me leaving will mark almost exactly a year since my 2 year relationship, and breakup. I think reflecting back it’s been an incredible year, one I could have never dreamt up, especially in my sorrows a year ago. In January, I felt like the year was a blank slate in front of me, I had absolutely no plans and was just waiting for the year to write itself, and boy has it.
“I’ve come to believe during my life thus far that humans are mobile creatures. It’s in our nature to be exploring and moving and changing and seeing new things.”
The Background After high school I wasn’t so into the college thing, I decided I wanted to travel. My moms friend, who was living in England, so graciously offered for me to stay with her and her family there. I hastily decided to buy a plane ticket and leave the day after my graduation party. I was blissfully ignorant to literally any scenario that could have caused me anxiety before I left. The plan was to stay for 6 months, I was a minor at the time so visitor visa requirements didn’t apply to me. I learned a lot on that trip for sure, I was so young, I had no plan really and no expectations. I gained a lot of weight during that time from stress and it was not as glamorous as it might have looked in pictures. For the first time in my life, I had no objectives, no purpose, no direction. I was just there, to be there, to travel and find myself. I guess I only half succeeded because I’m going out again, maybe this bug can never be cured.
The Prep So far, preparation has looked, chaotic. I don’t know that there’s really a manual for this, but if there is I really should have read it. I’ve been working on only leaving out the essentials and putting everything else in boxes. I think it has been so helpful that I’ve had so many trips because it’s really made me prepare much earlier than I probably would have otherwise. I will admit I like to be on top of the packing aspect, because it’s one thing i have definite control over, and theres so many factors I have zero control over.
The Now Last week I had to move out of my apartment, the week before I quit my job and I also sold my car which makes me homeless, careless and jobless at the moment. I’d say I’m not doing too bad for being 22, right?! That’s also a horrifying sentence to write by the way. By society's standards I’m failing, but I’d argue by others standards I’m winning, maybe? I guess it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks, I’m following my heart and by my standards I’m winning. I cannot handle the monotony of a 9-5 in an office so here I am, taking the leap.